Riches unkempt

Some days back, me and my two friends decided to go visit one of Calcutta's (I prefer the City's old name, excuse my deliberate political incorrectness) old attractions ─ Botanical Garden, Howrah. Living here for almost five years, I've never actually bothered myself to go explore these attractions, although I have visited some. I had a rather terrible headache that day and a part of me did tell me to stay home but I gave my word so a little fresh air and sunshine was my forced solution.

Home to one of the larget Banyan tree in the world, this garden had a few things to offer. So I got myself excited, hoping for a worthwhile trip. However, the reality we dealt with was a rather far cry from what we had expected.

The first straw was when we realised foreigners has to pay 100 rupees while Indian had to pay just 10 rupees. Then the man at the gate doubted the fact that I was Indian while my two friends were actually foreigners (he said I looked Korean which made me brush off the annoying doubt by taking the statement as a compliment) and from there things started to get a bit on my nerves.

First of all, the Garden has been vividly maintained poorly. The garbage everywhere spoke volumes. We tried making a full day by the time we reach the Banyan Avenue where we can rent a paddle boat, so we did. But then, when we got off, we went closer to see the tree and yes, it had been fenced tightly and the really want much to see. We kept waking around and decided to visit the Cactus House and to our dismay, it was locked up and was poorly kempt. The day couldn't get any worse when thirst got me. However, the water there was good enough to just wash my hand.

Basically, everything there was either locked out and torn down. It got me thinking a lot. How beautiful the garden must be when everything was still accessible and tendered to. The entire day was basically a headaching walk in a very dry park.

Anyway, we manage to salvage some pictures out of the day...so enjoy!

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Shift in admiration

It's 2017 and like every year, we pretend we start off on a clean slate (as if the choices we made last year won't haunt us!) yes, we believe that this year will be 'our' year if we just plan it out right, make resolutions and try achieving goals for a change. Goals, life goals. This is where things start to bug me. Like a tweak in someone's picture causing a noticeable distortion, it vexes me. "Life goals AF" what are these. I'll admit, most of these are unattainable shit we desire in life but some people have gone a different path to get these things by a less-conventional way.

Let's cut to the chase. I'm talking about social medias such as facebook and instagram showing us the better things in life such as a luxurious get away, a big house, luxurious cars etc. True, these materialistic things are achievable. But nowadays, people don't want to go that extra mile of hard work to get these things in life. They would rather get it another way.

Which is why "goals" have revolved around young women shown half naked bodies who clearly do not have the meas nor occupation due to lack of qualification to actually travel and be in places they actually can afford to be. I'm hinting at instagram models. That fabricated life. All the glitz and glamour. All those fake shits. These are now goals. Whether or not their means of getting these things are moral is upto each person's standard of morality but hey, what t=does this speak? Volumes of everything wrong!!

Hard work and education is still the key. 

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Social Media

"The world itself is just a big hoax. Spamming with our running commentary of bullshit masquerading as insight, our social media faking as intimacy."

- Elliot Alderson (Mr. Robot)

We're at that age where everyone wants to be known as something. That age where 'curving your own name' has taken serious measures such as doing whatever it takes to get some time of attention and recognition from others. Everybody wants to be famous. This is, more or less true. Everybody wants to be known and they want to be a force to be reckoned with. Someone will post something and others will have something to say about that post.

Have you watched the USA's famous TV series Mr. Robot? I'm a huge fan of that show, one, because any person who finds an irony in the apparatchik way of living will appreciate the depiction of psychological vulnerability portrayed by the meritocratic characters encountered on the show, second, because it's about hacking and committing a cyber crime that can shut the world down!

What I have managed to decipher from this show is how we, humans, being social animals are so prone to the lures of power, attention and success (also how Esmail really nails down the psychology of us social animals and what a brilliant hacker he is!) I have gained tremendous consciousness and awareness to the society I belong to and I have developed this habit of reevaluating every action I take and the actions of others around me, well, that is, when the show really gets to me.

Anyway, I want to address the type of people who have caught my attention on the internet - on twitter, facebook, instagram, tumblr and yes, snapchat. There are all sorts of people in the world (LOL) and surprisingly, a lot of people have adapted a persona on the internet that is somehow chanelling the person they desire to be. Slowly, we have lost our way into this whirlpool of personas we are so busy creating online that we have forgotten how to develop our real personas in real life.

I'm seeing the youth being more superficial than ever before and that being said, I am at the prime of it. I see people worshiping material things and monetary assets rather than the good willed nature that other's portray (hey, the Kardashian are paving the way so it;'s easy to follow). I guess good ol' fashion proper education and good jobs no longer means anything when you can just earn money by posing for the camera. But the problem is, everyone is copying and following each other.

I can only fathom what type of society our children will be brought up in if this is the situation right now. We need to unwind the material-worshiping and start teaching moral values again. We need to engrave the ways of decency and value traits like honesty, loyalty and good will in our minds before we slowly vanish into this superficial world we're creating.

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Being straight forward

Throughout my life, I've never felt the need to sugar-coat things or tell people the stuff they want to hear so that they get assured of their 'make belief' confidence. Just like that, you're thinking, "What an asshole!" right?

Well, you've misconstrued. You see, I do give people compliments when they deserve it. The assurance such as "It'll be alright, trust yourself" or "Good luck, I hope it goes well" and to many females, "Wow, I love your outfit, it looks good on you". But one thing you need to know is that, I do not give these compliment to succumb to their liking. This is what boils down to it all. I am uncomfortable to the act of sucking up to people just to make them like me or see me as a 'nice' person. Generally, I am courteous. I like to smile to people I know. I am a sucker for pep-talks and small chats. Most introverts, I believe, fear me when I get inside an elevator with them. But sometimes there are those days when I have too much in my head, too much going on in there and so I switch to auto-pilot. I see, I feel, I recognize, but I'm on auto-pilot so that's as far as it goes.

This has been my life long struggle. I like to say things the way they are. I am not a person with an  ice cold heart. I just don't feel the need to be all chirpy, happy and sweet to everyone on a daily basis (some days you feel extra good so you feel like greeting everyone and everything). This has, I believe lead me into a new problem. This new problem relates to my personal hierarchy of the people in my life. The closest ones, the closer ones, the close ones, the cordial ones and the rest of them all. See, sometimes, people don't always get along. The closest of your friends may not get along with the close friends in your life. That's where this problem of mine exists. I hate making people deal with people they don't want to deal with just because I have some form of relationship with them. That is just me. I know a lot of people person reading this would go, "But it's bout you and who you want to hang out with that matters". Trust me I know. However, I've never really been strategic when it comes to friends (maybe that's why I hate Taylor Swift so much, well apart from the never ending victim card she always pull out, she is so strategic with people!) and this means if a higher hierarchic friend does not "vibe" with a lower hierarchic friend, then my immediate action is to distance the lower hierarchic friend. It's depressing to even type that shit out!!

I've always tried to find ways out of this bold straight-forwardness. But the fact that I'm an ENTP does not help. I love thriving on questioning people's intentions and trust me, everyone has an intention for taking the actions they take. I like figuring out what that is. It has helped me make friends whom I believe are to be the better or best of the options I'm presented with. It has even bit me back several times and yet, I still haven't learnt my lesson.

It's difficult to tone this down. I know I'm making it sound like it's a huge problem but it has it's perks. People like to ask me for my opinions because they know I will give them the honest opinion I can offer. I can state my opinion and bring an insight to people stuck with the same direction and of course this has backfired when I tell the ugly truth because that is NOT what anyone wants to hear when they ask you for an opinion (learnt that the hard way). But often times, I get misunderstood. That I'm just plain mean or an asshole. I am working on framing my sentences and opinions so that the receiver wouldn't feel so offended that they actually miss out the point. It's a working process...

After reading this, you're probably wondering if I have any emotions. Trust me, I am as sensitive and emotional as anyone can get. I cry one a weekly basis just because I need to. I have reality checks given to me by those that are closest to me. I always take them to heart and over analyze myself till I realize I am just as flawed as everyone so it's okay. At the end of the day, I am an honest, straight forward person who does not believe in sucking up to people just to gain something. I believe I will remain like this for the rest of my life and quite honestly, I wouldn't change that part of me; not for anyone. There's that part I am working on with how I convey things to people, but will I change the honesty and the ugly truth in the things I say? I'll leave that for you to decipher.

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HALT

Temporary. I'm used to temporary things coming into my life. Constant moves, different friends. I forgot what it's like to actually keep people close to me. The same goes for relationships. I have learned that I'm not good with sharing any intimacy with another being solely on the fact that I've created a void in me.

You came, slowly you crept into my life. I was well aware. I knew that I had to have my guard up- they were up! Yet, you crept in, slowly. Everything I felt then, every bone shaking indulgence, every burning kiss and each peck you planted all over my body; I felt each one. But my guards were up and you didn't have the patience to see me put them down. So like always I drove you off because now, it's so easy for me to drive people away. You see, I know it's pointless to hold on when it's all heartache.

There were moments when I thought my soul and yours were one. But baby, those moments left along with my arched back and the sound of your moan.

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