Throughout my life, I've never felt the need to sugar-coat things or tell people the stuff they want to hear so that they get assured of their 'make belief' confidence. Just like that, you're thinking, "What an asshole!" right?
Well, you've misconstrued. You see, I do give people compliments when they deserve it. The assurance such as "It'll be alright, trust yourself" or "Good luck, I hope it goes well" and to many females, "Wow, I love your outfit, it looks good on you". But one thing you need to know is that, I do not give these compliment to succumb to their liking. This is what boils down to it all. I am uncomfortable to the act of sucking up to people just to make them like me or see me as a 'nice' person. Generally, I am courteous. I like to smile to people I know. I am a sucker for pep-talks and small chats. Most introverts, I believe, fear me when I get inside an elevator with them. But sometimes there are those days when I have too much in my head, too much going on in there and so I switch to auto-pilot. I see, I feel, I recognize, but I'm on auto-pilot so that's as far as it goes.
This has been my life long struggle. I like to say things the way they are. I am not a person with an ice cold heart. I just don't feel the need to be all chirpy, happy and sweet to everyone on a daily basis (some days you feel extra good so you feel like greeting everyone and everything). This has, I believe lead me into a new problem. This new problem relates to my personal hierarchy of the people in my life. The closest ones, the closer ones, the close ones, the cordial ones and the rest of them all. See, sometimes, people don't always get along. The closest of your friends may not get along with the close friends in your life. That's where this problem of mine exists. I hate making people deal with people they don't want to deal with just because I have some form of relationship with them. That is just me. I know a lot of people person reading this would go, "But it's bout you and who you want to hang out with that matters". Trust me I know. However, I've never really been strategic when it comes to friends (maybe that's why I hate Taylor Swift so much, well apart from the never ending victim card she always pull out, she is so strategic with people!) and this means if a higher hierarchic friend does not "vibe" with a lower hierarchic friend, then my immediate action is to distance the lower hierarchic friend. It's depressing to even type that shit out!!
I've always tried to find ways out of this bold straight-forwardness. But the fact that I'm an ENTP does not help. I love thriving on questioning people's intentions and trust me, everyone has an intention for taking the actions they take. I like figuring out what that is. It has helped me make friends whom I believe are to be the better or best of the options I'm presented with. It has even bit me back several times and yet, I still haven't learnt my lesson.
It's difficult to tone this down. I know I'm making it sound like it's a huge problem but it has it's perks. People like to ask me for my opinions because they know I will give them the honest opinion I can offer. I can state my opinion and bring an insight to people stuck with the same direction and of course this has backfired when I tell the ugly truth because that is NOT what anyone wants to hear when they ask you for an opinion (learnt that the hard way). But often times, I get misunderstood. That I'm just plain mean or an asshole. I am working on framing my sentences and opinions so that the receiver wouldn't feel so offended that they actually miss out the point. It's a working process...
After reading this, you're probably wondering if I have any emotions. Trust me, I am as sensitive and emotional as anyone can get. I cry one a weekly basis just because I need to. I have reality checks given to me by those that are closest to me. I always take them to heart and over analyze myself till I realize I am just as flawed as everyone so it's okay. At the end of the day, I am an honest, straight forward person who does not believe in sucking up to people just to gain something. I believe I will remain like this for the rest of my life and quite honestly, I wouldn't change that part of me; not for anyone. There's that part I am working on with how I convey things to people, but will I change the honesty and the ugly truth in the things I say? I'll leave that for you to decipher.
