It's like I've based all my happiness on the company I have around me; like I can no longer be happy when I am alone! What is this? Why is this? What am I doing to myself and why am I letting myself feel this way?
Sunday, 20 September 2015
Monday, 14 September 2015
The wrong turn
Before these feelings grew
Before you were you
Before everything was complicated,
I didn't need to have a clue.
Despite what I was told to believe,
And what I knew was what
I need to believe,
Without hesitance,
I opened myself up to you.
But now it feels like
I made a wrong turn
Not knowing exactly where
I took that turn
I feel like I'm a piece
In your petty game
I'm the insignificant piece.
Before these feelings grew
Before you were you
Before everything was complicated
I was already falling for you.
Before you were you
Before everything was complicated,
I didn't need to have a clue.
Despite what I was told to believe,
And what I knew was what
I need to believe,
Without hesitance,
I opened myself up to you.
But now it feels like
I made a wrong turn
Not knowing exactly where
I took that turn
I feel like I'm a piece
In your petty game
I'm the insignificant piece.
Before these feelings grew
Before you were you
Before everything was complicated
I was already falling for you.
Wednesday, 19 August 2015
Constant Change
There comes a moment in life, where your whole perspective shifts. It could be by a small angle or sometimes a huge one, regardless, it shifts and you see things differently. You start analyzing that perspective and you want to adjust to it. Slowly, yet surely, a part of you changes.
Sometimes, I get these shifts a little too often. I was once shook to my core and there were several times where my angles were slightly shifted. These moments are when I will leave my old ways and adopt a new one.
Lately, I've been having a shift that made me reflect myself and saw myself from other's perspective. I guess the tremors reached a bit inside my core so I saw, like a picture that's painted widely right before my eyes.
I saw that life has made me a person who sees to well into the darkness. Sometimes I tend to miss out on good things because my mind would be too caught up in the consequences. This had made me into a being who only believes that love should hurt and friendship are temporary companies arising out of circumstances.
However, the tremors reached my core. I wanted to change this and I wanted to change it bad. SO I am setting on a journey where I learn to appreciate without expecting and expect nothing but kindness from myself. I know deep down that it will take everything in me to reach where I want to be. But time is on my side and I have in me, the confidence to change, yet again!
Friday, 14 August 2015
The right person at the wrong time!
"The most fucked up way the universe works, sometime, is letting you meet the right person at the wrong time."
-Anonymous
It's in human nature to fall in love. After one story ends with a lover, time heals the wounds from the break up and eventually, we move on. But the question that's often asked more than sometimes is "How long is this time for the heart to heal?" The only feasible answer to that which I am sure doesn't require any genius to derive this is 'it depends from person to person'.
Since the first time I ever dated, I've met so many interests (love) in my life. I am actually one of those whom people can say doesn't have a type. Truth be told, that can't be further from the truth. I do have a type and that type is also my ultimate standard. I call it 'a personality that matches mine' because if I have to analyze all my ex boyfriends and jot down what was it about them that attracted me, the only common thing which I'd find will have to be something that has to do with their personality.
I like someone whom I have great chemistry with. I am an extrovert with an MBTI of an ENTP personality. I like to pick people's brains and sometimes, even if I do not agree with them, I still do it in a sarcastic way just so I know the legitimacy of their opinion. That being said, someone who can keep up with mt whirlwind-of-a-conversation are more likely to be attractive for me.
I just got out of a relationship. It was a painful process and it had to happen right before my birthday. I was so bitter towards the world and it was getting so hard on my friends and people around me because I was moping almost everywhere I went. Like every wound, time starts kicking in with its process. I started to accept the breakup and opened my mind to fengshui my life. I was so open to conversations. I'd chat up my old friends whom I hadn't chatted with and I went to the extent of chatting with new people.
That's where things got a little interesting. Someone had a faint interest in me and started to direct message me on instagram. I don't want to lie or beat around the bush with this one but he kind of caught me off-guard with the extreme persuasiveness of his flirty texts to which my reply made him assume that I was single! I was a little bit harsh at the beginning. Though I did not shook him off immediately with cold words (because I liked the attention he gave me) I wasn't holding back the hasty assumption that he was a player. I still believe deep down that I may not be the only one whom he is interested in this manner. But the relevance of him with the title? Well, have doing my own investigation I found out that he believes the same traditional principles that I uphold in life. I was hasty to judge him because he seem like a sincere person who has immense respect and love for his parents and relatives.
All this to me right now is a distraction. Coping with my post breakup wounds. It wouldn't be fair if I return the interest he shows right. Today one of his texts said "I can tell you have pride and never want to wish me (good morning) first". Well, I am healing. Rebounds are something I have left and I have become someone who respects people's integrity and much as I value mine. Even though I have doubts that his interests are genuine, that doesn't give me the right to play with the whole situation too right?
Sometimes, in life, interesting people come. But more often than sometimes, they will come at the wrong time. For someone who is done with playing childish cupid games I have learn that the best way to deal with this is to not think of it at all. If the person asks why you have become less interested (that is if you showed some interest before) then let them know it's because you are doing them a favor. These things don't always play out right and if you stubbornly strut it out, someone will be bound to get hurt. So respect your conscience and always, always respect others' for what goes around always comes back around.
Saturday, 4 April 2015
Attaining positivity
A positive mindset is always key to happiness. But its difficult to attain it when everything in your life is emitting negative vibes to you. The only way you can solve this problem is by eliminating the negativity from your life. Easier said tan done.
From past experiences, I know I am the kind of person who over thinks. That adds up in a negative way most of the time but sometimes, it helps me see situation clearer. However, the negative aspects of it tend to outweigh the positive.
It's always a question of balance isn't it? Whether this is better than that...it's always a question of choices. The same applies to what you let yourself be surrounded by. Of course we chose the people we associated with and we always have an affinity towards compatible personalities to ours. But, in my own experience it's very difficult to tell who is right in your life.
The key lies within you. Outweighing the positive from the negative all rests in how you choose to associate yourself with certain people and how you let them treat you. I am going to write here, the things that I have learn solely based on my experience.
Friendship:
Before I get into this, I want to take an example of Sex and The City. Carry, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda- all women have different personalities, They have common interests are similar but their dynamo can sometimes be very different (especially with Samantha and Charlotte). But what makes them good friends is acceptance. Accepting the kind of person each one is. In my opinion that is the key to friendship.
I have dealt with so many friendship dramas growing up. When you were little your interest are pretty much the same but once you start hitting puberty, it changes! Some are more focused on their studies, some become really incline towards the opposite sex, some get into sports and others just enjoy life as it is. It is true that cliques do exist beyond the screens of movies and tv shows. You always tend to 'hang' with the people you always have common interest with. But within the group, everyone must learn how to respect each other.
Its is so important to respect your friends. Whether you hold their dirty little secrets or know their insecurities, never call them out nor talk to them in a disrespectful manner whenever you want to! That's the first rule in friendship.
People change even in a span of two three years. Your mission as a friend is to learn how to accept the change in that person if your genuinely value their friendship! Never talk issh about your friends to your other friends or anyone for that matter!
I have been through a certain situation where a particular friend had these moods where she simply just could not tolerate me. God forbids if she had any solid reasons why because when the mood fluctuation stopped, it was like we're good friends again. Sometimes you have a glue in your friendship, That one person that makes everyone get along. What you must realise is that even without such person your should be able to 'chill' with the other friends.
Never let a friend disrespect you out of differences. Your opinions may not be the same and you may have very different interest as it can happen sometimes. Make sure you never let the negativity of such person get to you. It was always hard for me to shake it off when a friend would seem upset with me and I didn't know why. Truth is you can always confront them alone. Ask them why they're acting weird and if they have such hostility towards you. That the key to maintaining a close friendship. But if its with a friends you're not so close with or the friends doesn't like talking about these matters, learn how to not let it get to you. Give yourself a break from that person. It will help your friendship in the long run!
Relationships:
Here, I am talking about the relationship you have with your significant other, Every relationship has their own nature. Some are really dramatic with intense feelings while others are chilled and laid back. But regardless of the type of relationship you are in always remember that you must never put yourself through things you do not want nor believe in because you 'love' the other person or you 'don't want to lose them'. In the long run, selflessness is just a fantasy and you will put yourself down and unhappy. The negativity will slowly consume you and when you're spat out, you'll be nothing but a ball of no dignity nor self respect.
Relationships have the strongest tendency to do this to people. Remember to love yourself before you decide to love someone else. I'm not sure if you remember that quote form that book "The Perks of being a wall flower": We choose the love we think we deserve...remember that? It cannot be further emphasized because you chose the person you want to be with and how they behave with you or treat you depends on how you let them. Never feel powerless to state your opinion or what makes you comfortable in a relationship. Likewise, never forget to listen to the opinion of your significant other. It's a two way process of negotiation and acceptance.
These are all I have to write this time. I know these are not adequate because every situation is different form the other. The key ingredient here is to always love yourself so that others may l;ern to love you and respect you. Do not waste your time pondering with negativity and always go for the more positive approach. Live life and love plenty.
xoxo
It's always a question of balance isn't it? Whether this is better than that...it's always a question of choices. The same applies to what you let yourself be surrounded by. Of course we chose the people we associated with and we always have an affinity towards compatible personalities to ours. But, in my own experience it's very difficult to tell who is right in your life.
The key lies within you. Outweighing the positive from the negative all rests in how you choose to associate yourself with certain people and how you let them treat you. I am going to write here, the things that I have learn solely based on my experience.
Friendship:
Before I get into this, I want to take an example of Sex and The City. Carry, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda- all women have different personalities, They have common interests are similar but their dynamo can sometimes be very different (especially with Samantha and Charlotte). But what makes them good friends is acceptance. Accepting the kind of person each one is. In my opinion that is the key to friendship.
I have dealt with so many friendship dramas growing up. When you were little your interest are pretty much the same but once you start hitting puberty, it changes! Some are more focused on their studies, some become really incline towards the opposite sex, some get into sports and others just enjoy life as it is. It is true that cliques do exist beyond the screens of movies and tv shows. You always tend to 'hang' with the people you always have common interest with. But within the group, everyone must learn how to respect each other.
Its is so important to respect your friends. Whether you hold their dirty little secrets or know their insecurities, never call them out nor talk to them in a disrespectful manner whenever you want to! That's the first rule in friendship.
People change even in a span of two three years. Your mission as a friend is to learn how to accept the change in that person if your genuinely value their friendship! Never talk issh about your friends to your other friends or anyone for that matter!
I have been through a certain situation where a particular friend had these moods where she simply just could not tolerate me. God forbids if she had any solid reasons why because when the mood fluctuation stopped, it was like we're good friends again. Sometimes you have a glue in your friendship, That one person that makes everyone get along. What you must realise is that even without such person your should be able to 'chill' with the other friends.
Never let a friend disrespect you out of differences. Your opinions may not be the same and you may have very different interest as it can happen sometimes. Make sure you never let the negativity of such person get to you. It was always hard for me to shake it off when a friend would seem upset with me and I didn't know why. Truth is you can always confront them alone. Ask them why they're acting weird and if they have such hostility towards you. That the key to maintaining a close friendship. But if its with a friends you're not so close with or the friends doesn't like talking about these matters, learn how to not let it get to you. Give yourself a break from that person. It will help your friendship in the long run!
Relationships:
Here, I am talking about the relationship you have with your significant other, Every relationship has their own nature. Some are really dramatic with intense feelings while others are chilled and laid back. But regardless of the type of relationship you are in always remember that you must never put yourself through things you do not want nor believe in because you 'love' the other person or you 'don't want to lose them'. In the long run, selflessness is just a fantasy and you will put yourself down and unhappy. The negativity will slowly consume you and when you're spat out, you'll be nothing but a ball of no dignity nor self respect.
Relationships have the strongest tendency to do this to people. Remember to love yourself before you decide to love someone else. I'm not sure if you remember that quote form that book "The Perks of being a wall flower": We choose the love we think we deserve...remember that? It cannot be further emphasized because you chose the person you want to be with and how they behave with you or treat you depends on how you let them. Never feel powerless to state your opinion or what makes you comfortable in a relationship. Likewise, never forget to listen to the opinion of your significant other. It's a two way process of negotiation and acceptance.
These are all I have to write this time. I know these are not adequate because every situation is different form the other. The key ingredient here is to always love yourself so that others may l;ern to love you and respect you. Do not waste your time pondering with negativity and always go for the more positive approach. Live life and love plenty.
xoxo
Thursday, 2 April 2015
Launching the blog
Every blog have their own purpose. Some are lifestyle blogs, some are fashion blogs. Others, I have known, are dedicated to certain celebrities and in my case, a personal blog on certain aspects of my life- like my interests, my own opinions etc.
Over the years I have learnt that I've always had the desire to express. I've also noticed that I am an ever changing chameleon who has different interests and opinions based on the situation I am in...or sometimes even depending on my mood.
I had a blog before. I even have a tumblr blog. I still run my tumblr blog which is more inclined towards and anonymity where I follow a particular interest (*cough* fan girl life *cough*) I also have social media accounts which are a little more personal, like my facebook, instagram, twitter, etc.
Now, I will be introducing myself. My name is Lucy Hmingthanzuali. My D.O.B is 24/07/1993. My zodiac sign is LEO and I have an elder brother and a younger sister. I am currently studying in law school. However, my ambitions fort the future (i.e., my career) is still unsettled. I like exploring things. I am very observant and is easily attracted to unusual things.
I am not a feminist although I detest sexists. I support the LGBT rights, not by words but by action (there is a LOT of difference between these two) and I like being random. I won't say I am unpredictable but I am definitely not predictable either. I have a hard heart towards NO. I am super emotional (cry easily) and I like to sway between opinions, not because I do not have a solid ground but because I like to see in the perspective of every possible view.
I dance, I like to sing (not really born with the talent though) and I appreciate artistic works of all ranges. My music taste varies from all genres (yes, I listen to Kpop too) and I have so many personalities. T^T
Welcome to my blog where you'll find me contradicting myself a lot. I will also be posting a lot of current 'issues' and other personal things.
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| selfie time! with the all so serious expression! |
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